.a mama and a boy.

i remember very clearly when i first dreamt of my son, jack. i was about 2 months pregnant. i didn't see his face or hear his voice, but rather just had this sense of him being a little boy deep inside my belly. 

some would call it mama's intuition, but i've always enjoyed thinking it was jack's way of starting our bonding session early. a bonding session which i so desperately needed at that time.

see, when i first had that dream, i remember sitting on the couch the very next morning telling my husband about it. i was confident that it was a little boy growing inside of me and i was terrified. 

i was worried that i would be a terrible mama to this little creation of ours because i had no idea what a boy did. how he played. how he learned. how he loved. i remember sitting there crying, my face drenched in tears, and sobbing that i didn't know how to be a mama to a little boy. that i would fail.

as my husband soothed me back to reality [those darn crazy hormones!], i started to think about my dream and it occurred to me that i was completely at ease in it. i wasn't nervous, worried, or uncomfortable with 'my son'. i wasn't a bad mama at all. i smiled and played. i was happy and calm and utterly in love.

i am convinced that jack understood that i needed that extra time to wrap my head around having a son. a little boy. and i think he wanted me to know that he was happy that i was his mama too, because over the next 8 long months he would visit me often. and we worked together to create this very special bond as we played together in my dreams. and from that moment on, at 2 months pregnant, i felt this protective love. a love so deep that i didn't even know existed.

and now, here in the flesh, we [a beautiful boy and his mama], share a bond that is just incredible to be a part of. i simply love our relationship. i can feel that he loves me so very much and i don't even have words on my feelings for him. i just know that it's so cool being a mama to a little boy and am so lucky. my boy and i.

**fyi: we never did find out our babe's sex till jack was born, which makes his dream visits so much more special to me. i always felt he was a little boy. ask anyone, i never faltered.

**and i'm sure it's just as incredible being a mama to a sweet little girl, which i certainly hope to experience one day, but wanted to share that entering the unknown [raising a boy, when you've always been around girls] is pretty nifty.